adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Weird, Area Woman Wasn't Harassed Today

Bewildered paralegal Caitlin Levy says that after returning home from work today, it occurred to her that, oddly, at no point during her day was she harassed, leered at, or made to feel humiliated or physically threatened.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:
End Of Section
  • More News

Disney World Mascot Could Use A Fucking Vacation Himself

ORLANDO, FL—Walt Disney World employee Ronald Smoller, costumed for the 10th straight hour and the 23rd straight day as Goofy, could use a fucking vacation himself, the 33-year-old reported Monday. "Every day, I sweat my ass off in this goddamn oxygen-deprivation Goofy suit while kids kick me, trip me, punch me and give me the finger," said Smoller, who twice has requested a transfer to a Frontierland souvenir shop but has been denied. "I'm sick of it." Smoller's next paid vacation is slated for late November, when he said he plans to go on a two-week bender somewhere the hell away from here.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close