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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Disney’s ‘Toy Tales’ Hits Theaters Friday

GLENDALE, CA—Sources at Walt Disney Animation Studios told reporters today they are expecting big things from their brand-new computer-animated feature film Toy Tales, which will debut in theaters across the country this Friday. “I think kids and adults alike are going to fall in love with the film’s gang of talking toys and their spirited, often touching adventures,” said Disney Studios chief creative officer John Lasseter, adding that he expected the film to kick off a continuing series featuring the colorful, anthropomorphic playthings. “We’ve got Brendan Fraser starring as Ranger Gil, Tommy Lee Jones as his rival-turned-sidekick Robot Fred, and Ray Romano as the wisecracking Mr. Lincoln Log. There will be laughs, there will be thrills, and there will also be a poignant coming-of-age tale at the heart of the film to give it a real emotional core. We dug deep and came up with a great original premise that people will love.” Lasseter went on to reveal that Disney has several other computer-animated films currently in production, including Scary Creatures, Mouse Chef, and Up High.

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