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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Distressed Michael Vick Urges Creation Of Some Sort Of Dog Fighters Anonymous Support Group

PHILADELPHIA—Speaking at a press conference Thursday about the “sickening compulsion,” a visibly distraught Michael Vick called for the creation of an anonymous support group for those who are addicted to dog fighting. “There needs to be some sort of system in place to help people who barely resist strong desires to visit dog fighting rings and still find themselves looking up pit bull adoptions on the internet at 3 a.m.,” said the Eagles quarterback, explaining that, ideally, the group would hold weekly meetings with other recovering addicts and provide some kind of 24-7 hotline that one could call when facing an irresistible impulse to drive to a nearby friend’s house and bet thousands of dollars on a dog fight. “The most important thing is that the identities of the group’s members would never, ever be disclosed to the public so they can be comfortable openly talking about their addictions. Trust me, some people stay awake all night before a big game imagining two Rottweilers fighting to the death in their basement, and they just need someone to say, ‘Hey, that’s wrong, so don’t do it.’” Vick added that there is a “desperate need” for the formation of such a group by this Saturday evening.

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