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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

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Disturbance Of Arafat's Grave Casts Horrible Curse On Middle East

Desecration Of Tomb To Usher In Generations Of Death, Chaos

RAMALLAH, WEST BANK—Experts familiar with the ancient prophecies warned Tuesday that by exhuming the remains of former leader Yasser Arafat, Palestinian officials had unleashed a horrible curse upon the Middle East, dooming the region to now begin centuries of bloody conflict. “Fools, all of you! In return for your transgression, a violent era of intractable disputes shall descend upon this land from Libya to Pakistan!” said Tshilaba, a wizened mystic and scholar who explained the punishment “had been foretold since the dawn of civilization.” “It is written in the scrolls of the ancients that, should the leader’s tomb be disturbed, generations of Middle Eastern peoples will then have to face strife, blood feuds, and the senseless slaughter of innocents, as neighbor turns against neighbor and brother against brother. Kingdoms will fall, entire cities will be reduced to rubble! All this and worse shall come to pass.” The curse is also expected to “bring to ruin” relations between Arabs and Israelis in the region.

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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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