adBlockCheck

Disturbing Fast Food Truth Not Exactly A Game-Changer For Impoverished Single Mom Of 3

Top Headlines

After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

How To Adopt A Child

Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:

The Pros And Cons Of Helicopter Parenting

The rising trend of “helicopter parenting,” or hovering over a child’s educational, social, extracurricular, and home life, has been praised by some as true dedication to one’s kids and decried by others for potentially smothering a child’s independent development. Here are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Disturbing Fast Food Truth Not Exactly A Game-Changer For Impoverished Single Mom Of 3

YOUNGSTOWN, OH—Despite the release of a new documentary exposing the disturbing practices and adverse health effects associated with the fast food industry, impoverished single mother of three Karen Ford told reporters Thursday that the revelations in the shocking new film haven’t exactly “flipped [her] world upside down.” “Look, I’m working two minimum-wage jobs just to keep my kids fed and clothed, so I can’t say I’m quite ready to throw the playbook out the window just because the cheapest and only locally convenient source of food happens to contain some GMOs and trans fats,” Ford told reporters, noting that the film’s advocacy of cooking most meals at home from fresh produce and sustainably raised meats hasn’t really changed the fact that her take-home pay is just under $400 a week. “Hey, I’d love for my children to be eating perfect five-dollar florets of broccoli and fresh-caught fish from a fancy organic grocer, but the closest one of those stores is four towns away and, after paying for a roof over my kids’ heads and keeping the water flowing in our home, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that our food budget might not be quite big enough to feed me seven nights a week, let alone three growing kids. So I can’t say these hard new truths about fast food have really been a deal-breaker for my family’s dietary habits.” Ford added that she would definitely sit right down and intently watch the full documentary the minute she had a few hours free from her 75-hour workweek and around-the-clock parenting duties.

After Birth Video

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close