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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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'Ditka' Chicago Man's Answer To Everything

SCHAUMBURG, IL—Almost 20 years after Mike Ditka led Chicago to their only Super Bowl victory, lifelong Chicago resident Dave Johannes continues to suggest the beloved former Bears coach and current hair-gel and erectile-dysfunction-medicine endorser as the solution to every problem of which he is personally aware. "Ditka could turn these here Bears around, you bet—and them White Sox could use some of that Ditka attitude, too," Johannes was heard telling his family, friends, and coworkers Monday. "Don't get me started on the Bulls and the Blackhawks. And that [former Illinois governor George] Ryan [corruption] trial… Ditka would get to the bottom of that, I bet. Plus, also, I got just the man to fix our mess we got in Iraq." Every Chicago resident Johannes spoke to agreed completely with his Ditka panacea, although experts generally agree that Buddy Ryan, the father of the Bears' famous "46" defense, would probably be a better choice.

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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

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