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Oh Great, Another Woman Who Only Loves Me For My Complete Collection Of ‘Rurouni Kenshin’ Manga

Well isn’t that great—just great. Here I am, thinking I’ve finally met someone who’s perfect for me—she’s caring, smart, beautiful, and most of all, it seemed like she really got me. But I should have known better. Turns out she’s just like the rest of them, just another in a long line of women who only love me for my complete collection of the classic wandering samurai manga Rurouni Kenshin.

Disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings Not Living Up To Ridicule

LOS ANGELES—Describing the experience as a significant letdown, local diner Eric Tidwell told reporters that the disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings franchise he visited Thursday night failed to live up to the scorn he had long heard about the restaurant.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

Area Dad Needs More Time With Museum Plaque

NEW YORK—Leaning in close to the paragraph of text as his family continued on to the museum’s other exhibits, area dad and Frick Collection visitor Phillip Schermeier, 58, reportedly needed more time with the plaque beside Rembrandt’s 1626 painting Palamedes In Front Of Agamemnon Thursday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

‘Our Town’ Cast Party Going Off The Rails

PEEKSKILL, NY—Describing a wild scene in which performers and stagehands were loudly conversing, laughing, and occasionally breaking back into their characters from the play, sources confirmed Sunday night that the cast party for the local production of Our Town is currently going off the rails.

Thieves Make Off With Museum’s Most Valuable Docents

CHICAGO—In what is being described as a sophisticated and well-executed heist, thieves stole nine of the Art Institute of Chicago’s most valuable docents in broad daylight this morning, according to museum and law enforcement officials.
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Diversity Celebrated With Compulsory Luncheon

WAUKESHA, WI–Ethnic diversity within the ranks of Milwaukee Electric & Gas was celebrated Monday with a catered, compulsory all-staff luncheon in the seventh-floor conference room of the company's suburban Milwaukee headquarters.

Diversity luncheon guest speaker Gene Ralston addresses the compliant audience.

"Come to Room 711 at noon and celebrate the wonderful diversity of both our company and the public it serves!" read a morning memo reminding employees of the luncheon. "Plenty of delicious food and drink from T.J.'s Subs will be provided, so bring your appetite. Attendance is mandatory."

"The fact that ME&G is setting aside valuable working hours for this luncheon says a lot about its deep commitment to multiculturalism," said Allen Ledevest, ME&G's director of corporate communications. "Not every company would provide employees with the non-optional chance to eat hearty foot-longs and chips in honor of our nation's glorious mosaic of cultures and ethnicities."

At precisely 12 p.m., the company's 189 employees, including executives, secretaries, consumer-helpline representatives, and mail clerks, dutifully filed into the Harold T. Kjell Conference Room, which had been decorated with "ME&G: Our Differences Make The Difference!" posters.

"I'd like to thank all of you who had no choice but to take time out of your busy schedules to help us express our dedication to all the colors of the rainbow," ME&G Diversity Committee chair Eileen Johansen announced. "Let's give a hand to the truly magnificent spectrum of races and faces we serve as the leading utility provider for the greater Milwaukee area."

"Now, grab some food and find a seat, please," Johansen added. "We've only got an hour."

ME&G, Johansen proudly announced, was among 200 U.S. utility companies selected to receive $15,000 grants from the Mobil Foundation to recognize diversity in their communities, as well as within their companies. Of that money, $13,500 was used to create a glossy, full-color brochure paying tribute to famous African Americans in Milwaukee history. Timed to coincide with Black History Month, the brochure was included with the February bill of all ME&G customers. The remaining $1,500 was used to buy food and "Many Colors, One World" paper plates for the obligatory luncheon, as well as to hire a guest speaker.

"I can't tell you how pleased I am to be a part of this wonderful luncheon," said Gene Ralston of the Wisconsin Multicultural Council, a non-profit organization which promotes understanding among different ethnic groups throughout the state. "Events like this are a great way to foster understanding of one another. You see, the thing we all share is that none of us are the same."

"Take a look around at your co-workers," continued Ralston, addressing the overwhelmingly Caucasian crowd. "Black, white, Hispanic, Native American, Hmong–regardless of your race, you all have something in common: the threat of docked timecards if you did not attend this luncheon."

More from this section

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

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