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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Divorce Has Been Pretty Rough On Screen Door

WATERVILLE, ME—The ongoing divorce of Julia Blanchard and Russell Ochoa has been pretty rough on the screen door that leads from their house to the back porch, sources confirmed Friday. In recent months, the bitter fights and growing distance between Blanchard, 37, and Ochoa, 36, have reportedly placed an undue amount of stress on the aluminum-framed sliding door, which has become increasingly frayed around the edges and appears to be splitting apart at its seams. Further reports confirmed the breakup has also taken a heavy toll on the kitchen cabinets and even a couple of windows, with the bedside lamp having a pretty close call as well. Sources said the divorce has been great for the downstairs couch, however, which is finally starting to get some regular use.

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