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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Divorced Father Buys String Cheese To Make Coming To His Place Fun

STOCKTON, CA—In an effort to make his children’s upcoming weekend visit to his apartment more fun, divorced man and father of two Peter Dolan, 41, told reporters Monday that he has purchased a packet of string cheese. “Josh and Hannah will like these,” said Dolan after placing a six-pack of Sargento mozzarella cheese snacks in the dairy compartment of his largely empty refrigerator in preparation for his son and daughter’s weekend visit. “It’s cheese, but it comes in these little tubes that you can pull apart. So it’s a snack, but it’s fun, too. Maybe we can all eat it together.” Dolan added that after his children enjoy the cheese, the three of them could go see a movie at a nearby movie theater “or just hang out and watch TV.”

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