DMV Reconsidering 'One For The Road' Driver Relaxation Campaign

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Vol 32 Issue 09

Shannon Tweed Named Head Of U.S. Task Force On Nudity & Aging

WASHINGTON, DC—Former Playboy playmate and veteran erotic straight-to-video actress Shannon Tweed was chosen by President Clinton Monday to head the newly created U.S. Task Force on Nudity & Aging. Calling Tweed the "grand old dame of the softcore, R-rated, made-for-cable film industry," Clinton said the oft-topless actress was "ideal for the position, bringing with her more than 20 years of nudity-related experience." The task force will examine the effects of aging on nudity-based careers and help develop new strategies for approaching both toplessness and full-frontal nudity for actresses over 40. Tweed will assume her new role later this month, following the completion of her latest film, Bare Evidence, which co-stars William Katt as a cop who goes undercover to find a killer who's stalking the strip joints of a major metropolitan city. The film will be available in both R-rated and unrated formats in video stores this fall.

Area Man Thanked For Playing

ALBUQUERQUE, NM—Area resident Jeff Neary was warmly thanked by the Coca-Cola Corporation Monday for his participation in their "Coca-Cola Red Hot Summer Game." "Thanks for playing—try again," gushed the red plastic cap from a 20-ounce bottle of Coke purchased by Neary during his lunch hour. "That was very nice of Coca-Cola," Neary said. "I appreciated that, even though I didn't win, the beverage giant took the time to encourage me to try again." Neary has previously been thanked for shopping at Waldenbooks and flying United Airlines.

Monster Undeterred By Night-Light

MILTON, MA—A terrifying monster broke into a local boy's room Sunday night, brutally murdering and devouring the child despite the presence of a protective Mighty Morphin Power Rangers night-light. A forensics report revealed that the unidentified beast spent several minutes violently shaking Barry Dawes, 6, terrifying him to make him tastier through the release of adrenaline. He then tore off and ate the boy's limbs first, enjoying his screams until the very end. The light's manufacturer promised a full inquiry into the apparent failure of the product.

Transplanted New Yorker Disappointed With Local Bagel Scene

PORTLAND, OR—Greg Fox, a lifelong Brooklyn, NY, resident who recently moved to Portland, announced his great disappointment in the local bagel scene Monday. "There's no good bagels in this town," Fox said. "They're like bakery rolls with holes in the middle. And the selection's terrible, too: I went to five different bagel places this morning, and not one of them had pumpernickel." Fox said the only place to get real bagels is at B&B Bagels on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn.

Thousands Dead In Indonesia Again

JAKARTA, INDONESIA—Several days of relative calm in Indonesia came to an end Monday when a massive volcanic eruption buried most of Jakarta, killing thousands of Indonesians yet again. "I had a feeling we were due for another mass death," said Ende Palopo of Jakarta. "There hadn't been a disaster since Friday, when that train derailed, killing 513. And it had been well over a week since we last had an earthquake, typhoon or some other natural disaster that killed over 1,000." A public memorial service for the dead was held Tuesday, during which an unexpectedly large turnout caused hundreds to be trampled to death.

There Is So Much Controversy These Days

Have you read about all the controversy? I can barely keep my head on straight, what with all the controversy in this country nowadays. I mean, how are we supposed to live our lives when so many critical issues hang in the balance? Just thinking about the new season of Ellen sends my heart rate up to 100. Will she find a girlfriend? Will they kiss on the air? Will advertisers pull out?

The Return Of Thalidomide

Thalidomide, banned for over three decades for causing birth defects in thousands of children whose mothers took it during pregnancy, has been reapproved by the FDA for the treatment of leprosy. What do you think?

I Went To See The Movie That Was Called The Up & Down Movie

Ah, the movies. Nothing is better than to go see the movies in the theater at the Bijou and buy a tasty popcorn treat and a soda water and a box of watercress sandwiches and a tin of chewing tobacco and all the candy you can eat for a nickel. Gone are the days when a man could relax and enjoy a lovely pig roast while taking in the latest feature at the Bijou movie theater where they show the movie pictures that you can see if you pay money to see them.

Ask That Hindenburg Announcer Guy

Eddie McCarthy is a nationally syndicated advice columnist whose weekly column, Ask That Hindenburg Announcer Guy, appears in more than 350 newspapers nationwide.
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DMV Reconsidering 'One For The Road' Driver Relaxation Campaign

SPRINGFIELD, IL—With the drunk-driving fatality rate nearly tripling in Illinois in the past year, the state's Department of Motor Vehicles announced Monday it will re-examine its controversial "One For The Road" driver-relaxation promotional campaign.

In this DMV publicity shot, a driver and his passengers are "playing it safe," unwinding with a scotch and soda before facing the stress of a long drive through rush-hour traffic. According to DMV statistics, more than 80 percent of motorists report feeling "significantly more relaxed" after just one drink.

"Driving a car can be an incredibly stressful experience," DMV spokesperson Dale Penn said. "That was the idea behind One For The Road—we felt it was important for motorists to loosen up a bit before getting behind the wheel."

"It does seem, though," Penn added, "that the program may have needed some fine-tuning."

According to Penn, the One For The Road program had its roots in a DMV study revealing a positive correlation between alcohol consumption and driver confidence.

"We found that people who had consumed at least four beers or two mixed drinks before getting behind the wheel were twice as likely to believe they were in no danger of getting hurt or killed," Penn said. "When operating a serious piece of machinery like a car, that's just the kind of confidence you need."

Among the DMV study's other findings: A majority of elderly respondents and female college freshmen reported being "more mellow" and "really tuned into the road" after just a single drink.

Launched last fall, the $3 million One For The Road campaign included talks by police officers at Illinois high schools encouraging kids to start "thinking about drinking"; a statewide drunk-driving poster contest; and a series of print and television ads featuring the slogans, "Before You Hit The Road, Hit The Sauce," and "Unwind... To Survive!"

In the time since the September 1996 launch of One For The Road, some 2,300 DUI-related fatalities have occurred in Illinois, a 275 percent increase over the previous year.

"Perhaps we need to reconsider certain aspects of the program," said Bill Gerhardt, co-creator of the program. "We need to ask ourselves, 'What parts of this program are not working, and how can we fix them?'"

Despite the widespread criticism of One For The Road, some safety experts have expressed concern over what might happen without the program.

"If this program is cut, there are going to be countless alcoholics driving around sober, their hands shaking so bad they can't even keep them on the wheel. It's just not safe," said Hal Knauer, a safety advisor for the Illinois Board of Transportation. "A person like that relies on alcohol for steady nerves."

Added Glenn Sturbert, an Illinois-licensed driver-examination official: "Some of these 16-year-olds come in here so nervous that I'm afraid to get in the car with them. Now, I myself can't give them something to take the edge off—the DMV only has a Class B liquor license—but what's going on at home that the parental concern isn't there?"

Penn noted that even with the program's suspension, many brochures are available from the DMV offering information on "getting loose." "These materials are there so that no driver can ever claim ignorance as a reason for having driven in an unnecessarily tense state," he said.

One For The Road is not the only DMV program currently under fire. Also being investigated are the campaigns "Smoke Up For Safety" and "Pack First!"

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