adBlockCheck

DNC Coverage: Cover Up

Top Headlines

Recent News

What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns

Donald Trump’s aides have confirmed that the Republican presidential nominee will not release his tax returns despite numerous public calls for him to honor the expectation of transparency for presidential hopefuls. Here are some of the potentially damning contents that Trump prefers not to release to the public

NASA Launches First Cordless Satellite

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—In what experts are calling a breakthrough achievement that is poised to revolutionize American space exploration and telecommunications, NASA announced Friday it has successfully launched its first cordless satellite into orbit.

Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd

‘Family,’ Candidate Says

PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.

Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she arrived hours before any of the members of the production crew, sources confirmed Thursday that presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has been waiting in the wings of the Wells Fargo Center stage since six o’clock this morning to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot

WASHINGTON—Saying she has grown increasingly concerned about her husband’s mental and physical well-being since last Friday, Christie Vilsack, the wife of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, told reporters Thursday that the despondent, butter-covered cabinet member has entered the sixth day of a destructive corn bender after being passed over for the Democratic vice presidential spot.

Superfoods: Myth Vs. Fact

Though the media often heralds certain foods as cancer-fighting or immune-building, many of these claims don’t hold up to scientific scrutiny. The Onion separates the myths from the facts regarding so-called superfoods

Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

DNC Coverage: Cover Up

You get a lot of griping from journalists who say "Nothing Happens" at these political conventions. There is a lot going on - but you just have to look for it.

Last night I spent some time at the Con snooping around the beautiful Pepsi Cola Center. I started to get "the Hungries" and was pleased as punch when I saw the friendly logo of the Arby's Roast Beef Restaurant. But when I approached, I found that it had been shut down.

Why? Why do the Democrats HATE Arby's Roast Beef Restaurant?? Right there is a story waiting to be told. I may not have time to track down the answer on this but perhaps someone out there reading in the "Information Superhighway" can do some "Blogg" work and get to the bottom of it. This could be a moment for the "New Media" that people keep talking about to really shine.

One thing's for sure: something's rotten in Denver. I know the Democrats hate business, but my instincts tell me it's something more than that. Could it be that the secret skeleton in Barracks Obama's closet is that he is really a meat-hating vegetarian??

See Kelly's Editorial Cartoons Here

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close