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Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

John Kerry Throws Vine Over Pit Of Quicksand To Save Child Companion

PANGSAU, MYANMAR—Thinking quickly to thwart disaster as he ventured deep into the Myanmar rainforest to meet with State Councilor Aung San Suu Kyi, Secretary of State John Kerry threw a vine over a pit of quicksand to save the life of his 12-year-old Moroccan companion, Drumstick, sources confirmed Monday.

Report: This Movie Old Enough That They Might Have Actually Hurt Dog

GARDNER, MA—Realizing the movie was probably made years before any sort of mandatory industry oversight, nervous viewers watching a Turner Classic Movies airing of ‘Home On The Range’ Sunday night told reporters that the classic western was old enough that the filmmakers might have actually hurt the dog that starred in the motion picture.
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DNC Coverage: Cover Up

You get a lot of griping from journalists who say "Nothing Happens" at these political conventions. There is a lot going on - but you just have to look for it.

Last night I spent some time at the Con snooping around the beautiful Pepsi Cola Center. I started to get "the Hungries" and was pleased as punch when I saw the friendly logo of the Arby's Roast Beef Restaurant. But when I approached, I found that it had been shut down.

Why? Why do the Democrats HATE Arby's Roast Beef Restaurant?? Right there is a story waiting to be told. I may not have time to track down the answer on this but perhaps someone out there reading in the "Information Superhighway" can do some "Blogg" work and get to the bottom of it. This could be a moment for the "New Media" that people keep talking about to really shine.

One thing's for sure: something's rotten in Denver. I know the Democrats hate business, but my instincts tell me it's something more than that. Could it be that the secret skeleton in Barracks Obama's closet is that he is really a meat-hating vegetarian??

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