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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Do you plan to join the boycott against the 7,219 American foods that contain GoldenMade corn syrup?

Many are saying high fructose corn syrup manufacturer GoldenMade is not doing enough to clean up the massive midwest corn syrup spill. Will you boycott the American foods that currently contain their corn syrup, which includes soda, fruit drinks, pasta sauce, ketchup, pizza sauce, barbecue sauce, macaroni and cheese, cold cuts, bacon, sausage, bread, cookies, cakes, rolls, English muffins, granola bars, waffles, pickles, applesauce, yogurt, cottage cheese, salad dressing, chicken strips, french fries, and breakfast cereal?

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