Doctors Finally Clear Peyton Manning To Play Football

In This Section

Vol 49 Issue 32

Carl Tresvant

Since he didn’t know anything about the topic being discussed, Carl Tresvant kept his goddamn trap shut.

Obama Taking 8-Day Martha’s Vineyard Vacation

The Obama family will leave Saturday for an 8-day vacation on the quiet, affluent island of Martha’s Vineyard, where they have visited three of the past four summers, and are expected to spend the week golfing, shopping, and relaxing.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Late Night

Doctors Finally Clear Peyton Manning To Play Football

DENVER—Two years after performing his 2011 spinal fusion surgery, doctors announced this week that Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning has been officially cleared to return to the field and take part in football activities. “We’re pleased to say that after a long recovery, Peyton has successfully passed all of our medical tests required to begin engaging in full-contact drills,” said Dr. Alan Killough, who went on to praise Manning’s determination to come back ahead of schedule, adding that a year ago he doubted the signal-caller would even be able to suit up for the 2013 season. “Now, while we’re excited for Peyton, it’s important that we monitor his health closely as he gradually transitions back into football. He should be limited to the first quarter of games until around week six, when he can probably play an entire half, but I think it goes without saying that a full 16-game season is out of the question.” Killough added that patience would be key as even the slightest aggravation of Manning’s neck injury will most likely result in paralysis.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More