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CEO Worked Way Up From Son Of CEO

Though today he holds a powerful position as head of a leading information technology firm, MergeMedia CEO Gary Lightman told reporters Thursday he, amazingly, worked his way to the very top of the company from humble beginnings as the son of the previous...

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Doctors Optimistic Sam Bradford 2 Months Away From Beginning Work On Broadcasting Career

ST. LOUIS—Stressing that the 26-year-old is remaining positive during his initial recovery from a second season-ending knee injury, team doctors expressed their optimism Friday that St. Louis Rams quarterback Sam Bradford is just two months from starting work on a promising sports broadcasting career. “Given his MRI scans and the general timetable for any ACL reconstruction, Sam will need roughly 60 days before he can start laying the foundations for delivering concise and articulate color commentary during a live football broadcast,” said team orthopedic surgeon Dr. Matthew Matava, noting that based on the extent of the ligament damage, the former Heisman Trophy winner should be able to begin practicing on-camera play-by-play analysis in six to eight weeks. “A conservative estimate would have him working with a voice coach and reading text from a teleprompter within three months, but barring any major setbacks, he could begin that process as early as mid-October. Sam has shown a great commitment to his rehab, and he is already well on his way to comfortably exchanging banter on the set of a postgame show by the start of next season.” Matava went on to tell reporters he is “incredibly confident” that Bradford will go on to have a long and productive career on ESPN’s College GameDay.

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