adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Doctors Optimistic Sam Bradford 2 Months Away From Beginning Work On Broadcasting Career

ST. LOUIS—Stressing that the 26-year-old is remaining positive during his initial recovery from a second season-ending knee injury, team doctors expressed their optimism Friday that St. Louis Rams quarterback Sam Bradford is just two months from starting work on a promising sports broadcasting career. “Given his MRI scans and the general timetable for any ACL reconstruction, Sam will need roughly 60 days before he can start laying the foundations for delivering concise and articulate color commentary during a live football broadcast,” said team orthopedic surgeon Dr. Matthew Matava, noting that based on the extent of the ligament damage, the former Heisman Trophy winner should be able to begin practicing on-camera play-by-play analysis in six to eight weeks. “A conservative estimate would have him working with a voice coach and reading text from a teleprompter within three months, but barring any major setbacks, he could begin that process as early as mid-October. Sam has shown a great commitment to his rehab, and he is already well on his way to comfortably exchanging banter on the set of a postgame show by the start of next season.” Matava went on to tell reporters he is “incredibly confident” that Bradford will go on to have a long and productive career on ESPN’s College GameDay.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close