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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Doctors Recount Difficult Procedure To Separate Conjoined Splash Brothers At Birth

SAN FRANCISCO—Explaining that the harrowing 27-hour operation only had a 13 percent chance of success, doctors from UCSF Medical Center recalled Thursday the incredibly difficult procedure to separate the conjoined Splash Brothers at birth. “We quickly discovered a bleeding internal vein shared between the two that didn’t appear in our initial 3D imaging, causing us to almost lose Steph right away,” said lead surgeon Robert Pacheco, adding that his 12-doctor team of pediatric surgeons and anesthesiologists worked in shifts to separate the then-newborn Splash Brothers, whose bodies were initially fused from the top of the abdomen to the pelvis. “The most significant complication arose when we realized the two shared a liver and part of the digestive tract, so we had to proceed very cautiously, and fortunately managed to avoid hitting any arteries. Because of the unexpected blood loss early on, we were prepared to lose one or both Splash Brothers, but they fought through the procedure, and thankfully, the two of them made it.” Pacheco added that some kidney damage suffered during the operation caused Steph’s stunted growth, which remains the reason he is still much smaller than Klay.

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