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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Doctors: Still 50-50 Chance That Broken Bone Will Mean Euthanasia For Matsui

NEW YORK—Surgeons for the New York Yankees say that although Hideki Matsui seems to be healing satisfactorily two weeks after undergoing surgery to repair the broken left wrist he suffered May 11 against the Red Sox, there is still an outside chance that the outfielder will have to be put down. "You obviously don't want to think in those terms, since besides being a valuable property, he's been a real competitor," said Dr. Stuart Rosenwasser, the Yankees team physician, who performed the surgery and has been observing Matsui's recovery in a special padded stall. "It's no exaggeration to say Hideki's been a real horse for this team." If worst does come to worst, owner George Steinbrenner has said that Matsui would be put to rest along the third-base line along with euthanized Yankee greats Joe DiMaggio (bone spur) and Lou Gehrig (broken leg).

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