Documentary A Scathing Indictment Of Director’s Filmmaking Skills

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How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Reclusive Deity Hasn’t Written A New Book In 2,000 Years

NEW YORK—Leading writers, scholars, and publishers gathered this week at Fordham University for a literary conference and panel discussion on God, the widely praised but reclusive deity who has not published a book since His landmark debut 2,000 yea...
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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

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  • Man’s Body Running Out Of Ideas To Convince Him He Full

    BAYTOWN, TX—Having repeatedly ratcheted up the 34-year-old’s level of discomfort with no noticeable effect on his behavior, the body of local man Kent Dugan confirmed Wednesday that it was starting to run out of ideas to convince him that he was full.

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Denny's

Documentary A Scathing Indictment Of Director’s Filmmaking Skills

BOSTON—Saying the film exposes director Kenneth Strable’s total lack of pacing, editing, and cinematography skills, critics and viewers alike have called the newly released documentary The Cost Of Labor a “scathing indictment of the filmmaker’s creative abilities,” reports confirmed this week. “Right from the outset, this film explores the dark underbelly of this so-called auteur, unearthing the ugly truth about his grasp on everything from sound design to storytelling,” said film reviewer Ella McNareth, who noted that after sitting through the damning exposé’s silent five-minute opening shot of an abandoned factory, she would “never look at this director the same way again.” “Certain scenes are extremely hard to watch, and you’re left feeling awful for anyone who played a part in its making. But as disturbing as it is, this documentary is required viewing for anyone who wants to fully understand how unqualified this director is.” McNareth added that perhaps if enough people were to see the documentary, Strable might never be able to make another film again.

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