Documentary Manny Ramirez Talking About Turns Out To Be 'Billy Madison'

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TIGARD, OR—"Well, you know how boys are," said Karen Dougherty, as she carefully hemmed the cuffs on a pair of baby-blue corduroys. "If Michael had his way, he'd probably run out the door every day in a T-shirt, jeans, and sneakers.
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RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Documentary Manny Ramirez Talking About Turns Out To Be 'Billy Madison'

LOS ANGELES—After less than five minutes listening to Manny Ramirez describe a "powerful documentary" about a son who struggles to take over his father's business, Dodgers teammates concluded that the perennial all-star was actually talking about the 1995 Adam Sandler comedy Billy Madison. "I kind of figured it was Billy Madison when Manny started talking about 'the bad man' who tried to take the company from the opera singer from Saturday Night Live," teammate Mark Loretta said. "And when he said the most interesting part was learning that penguins can 'grow to be as tall as men,' that pretty much clinched it." Ramirez later told his teammates he was looking forward to a new documentary about the the auto industry, in which an overweight man and a skinny man travel across America in an attempt to sell brake pads.

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