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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Dodgers Offer Twins Moon, Stars For Johan Santana

NASHVILLE, TN—Dodgers GM Ned Colletti announced Monday that although he has nothing to offer in the way of financial or material wealth, he is prepared to give the Twins the most beautiful thing of all—the moon itself—in exchange for pitcher Johan Santana. "I come to you today with no worldly possessions—save only my dreams. But to obtain the one you call Johan, I would happily toss a lasso 'round the moon and pull it down for you, or set a ladder amongst the stars and pluck them one by one from the night sky," Colletti shouted up to Twins GM Bill Smith, who stood on the balcony of the Opryland Hotel. "And should you not be satisfied with our package of the moon at night, the stars so bright, the sun that lights your days, and all that sparkles and shines in Heaven and on Earth, we may be willing to part with first baseman James Loney." After the Twins rejected his offer, Colletti promised the A's his hand in marriage in exchange for Danny Haren.

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