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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Dodgers Playing Extra Hard In Hopes Of Bringing Mom And Dad Back Together

LOS ANGELES—Dodgers players told reporters Friday they have been playing harder than usual the last few weeks in hopes of reuniting their parents—Frank and Jamie McCourt. "Maybe if we keep hitting homeruns, it'll make them realize how much they miss us and love us and then they'll come back," said outfielder Andre Ethier, who credited his 23-game hit streak and .379 batting average to "missing Mom and Dad real bad." "We're all going to try extra hard tonight because we forged apology letters to and from our parents and told them to meet at the game. Casey [Blake] reserved their tickets. Gosh, I hope this works." Several players confessed they want the McCourts to take notice of their winning ways sooner rather than later, as none of them liked the creepy adoptive father who keeps telling them to just call him "Bud."

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