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Sports

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Dolphins Spend Entire Meeting With Alex Smith Venting About Free Agents They Couldn’t Sign

MIAMI—Quarterback Alex Smith’s meeting with the Miami Dolphins on Sunday was unproductive, sources confirmed, because team executives were on the verge of tears and unable to talk about anything except all the other free agents who have turned them down so far this offseason. "It’s bad enough that Peyton has his family here and would barely consider us, but Matt Flynn turned us down and now we're going to have to sign David Garrard, of all people," Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland reportedly told Smith, sinking his face into his hands and wondering aloud how any team could make the region’s beaches an unattractive place to live. "God, I hate the way people treat us like we don't even exist." Smith re-signed with the 49ers Tuesday in a deal said to be worth $8 million annually.

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