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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Dolphins To Distract Patriots While Browns Get Them From Behind

MIAMI—The winless Miami Dolphins have conspired with the Cleveland Browns in an attempt to finally defeat the unbeaten New England Patriots by catching them in a "trap game," sources from both teams reported Tuesday. "Right, here's the plan: We take the field on Sunday and pretend to play football as usual. But just as the Patriots are about to score their third touchdown, we'll all suddenly tell them to 'look over there' and point at the stands," a Dolphins player who refused to be named reportedly told the Browns squad in a secret closed-door meeting Monday. "When the Patriots are distracted, we'll give you the signal. That's when you sneak up behind them, grab them, drag them into the visitors' locker room, switch uniforms with them, and come back out and let us win. Which is okay because everyone will think we're beating the Patriots. Not by too much, though—it has to look convincing or else people will suspect." The Dolphins are reportedly considering scrapping the idea, however, as sources inside the team suspect that Brady Quinn accidentally blurted out the entire plan while having lunch with the Patriots yesterday.

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