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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Dolphins To Distract Patriots While Browns Get Them From Behind

MIAMI—The winless Miami Dolphins have conspired with the Cleveland Browns in an attempt to finally defeat the unbeaten New England Patriots by catching them in a "trap game," sources from both teams reported Tuesday. "Right, here's the plan: We take the field on Sunday and pretend to play football as usual. But just as the Patriots are about to score their third touchdown, we'll all suddenly tell them to 'look over there' and point at the stands," a Dolphins player who refused to be named reportedly told the Browns squad in a secret closed-door meeting Monday. "When the Patriots are distracted, we'll give you the signal. That's when you sneak up behind them, grab them, drag them into the visitors' locker room, switch uniforms with them, and come back out and let us win. Which is okay because everyone will think we're beating the Patriots. Not by too much, though—it has to look convincing or else people will suspect." The Dolphins are reportedly considering scrapping the idea, however, as sources inside the team suspect that Brady Quinn accidentally blurted out the entire plan while having lunch with the Patriots yesterday.

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