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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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DomeFacts: The Truly Disgusting Career Of Kwame Brown

The Minnesota Timberwolves lost the Kwame Brown Lottery, meaning they will be forced to sign Kwame to a contract this offseason, despite his horrible play and even worse attitude. Here are some DomeFacts about Kwame to put the T-Wolves' misery in perspective:

  • He shot 33.7% from the free throw line last season on 98 attempts. Take a second to think about how bad that is.
  • In his ten seasons in the league, not a single Kwame Brown jersey has been sold, not even as a joke.
  • After unleashing Kwame on the league by selecting him first overall in the 2001 NBA Draft, Michael Jordan felt so guilty that he made an ill-advised second return to the league in a valiant attempt to shatter Kwame's confidence and drive him from the sport forever.
  • Would have done the same thing LeBron did.
  • Scouts marvel at his ability to jog to midcourt and stand there on fastbreaks instead of hustling to play defense.
  • Plants wither and die when he touches them.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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