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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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Don Imus Returns To Airwaves For One Last 'Nappy-Headed Hos' Remark

NEW YORK—Don Imus, who was fired from his WFAN morning show in April after calling members of the Rutgers' women's basketball team "nappy-headed hos," returned to the airwaves Monday, citing a deep personal need to make one final "nappy-headed hos" comment. "I have endured eight long months of criticism, shame, and penance, but it will all have been worth it if I get opportunity to once again call a group of female African-American athletes 'nappy-headed hos' for all the world to hear," Imus said on his radio program Monday morning. "After all, calling people 'nappy-headed hos' is why I got into the radio business in the first place." Imus added that, if listeners thought the first time he said "nappy-headed hos" on the air was racially insensitive, they should really tune in tomorrow at around 8:35 a.m.

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

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