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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Don King Enjoys Grandilomentitudinous Sandwich

LAS VEGAS—Boxing promoter Don King described himself as "outrighteously mesmerated" by a deli sandwich served to him at the Treasure Island Casino’s V.I.P. dining room Saturday. "The meatumental pastramification of this pumpernickelously toastified bread was augmenticized by slatherfication in sumptuous Switzerlander cheesiness," raved King following the meal, "and expertaciously mayonnaised by a condimental Hellmanifestation of sand-wich-Kraft-Miracle-Whiplash proportions that thrillified me down to my delicatesticles." King also praised the sandwich's generous helping of onions, lettuce, and pickles, offering its maker his "Undulatronic Spamboozled Donkey Kongratulations. Gumpzilla."

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