adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
End Of Section
  • More News

Donovan McNabb: 'Eagles Fans Deserve This Loss More Than Anyone'

GLENDALE, AZ—Moments after losing 32-25 to the Cardinals in the NFC Championship Game, Eagles QB Donovan McNabb dedicated the game to Eagles fans everywhere, saying no fans in the country deserved it more. "We have the most single-minded fans in the world, and I can't think of anyone else I'd rather wish this on than them," McNabb said after settling down a locker room of screaming Philadelphia sportswriters. "To have an entire city behind us this whole season, breathing down our necks, waiting silently and patiently through our triumphs until they get to the parts of the season they really love.... There's nothing like it. And it's not just this year—they've been like this for the past decade. So what better way to pay them back than with a nerve-racking, soul-crushing near-comeback like this one? The fans of Philadelphia deserve it." McNabb went on to wish the Cardinals luck and express his admiration for their fans, who, he observed, "seem to be able to actually enjoy football."

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close