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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Donovan McNabb: 'Eagles Fans Deserve This Loss More Than Anyone'

GLENDALE, AZ—Moments after losing 32-25 to the Cardinals in the NFC Championship Game, Eagles QB Donovan McNabb dedicated the game to Eagles fans everywhere, saying no fans in the country deserved it more. "We have the most single-minded fans in the world, and I can't think of anyone else I'd rather wish this on than them," McNabb said after settling down a locker room of screaming Philadelphia sportswriters. "To have an entire city behind us this whole season, breathing down our necks, waiting silently and patiently through our triumphs until they get to the parts of the season they really love.... There's nothing like it. And it's not just this year—they've been like this for the past decade. So what better way to pay them back than with a nerve-racking, soul-crushing near-comeback like this one? The fans of Philadelphia deserve it." McNabb went on to wish the Cardinals luck and express his admiration for their fans, who, he observed, "seem to be able to actually enjoy football."

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