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Nation's Hardass Cops Finally Find Time To Play Games

In a sudden departure from their long-held stance of not being here to play games and not, in fact, having the time to play games, the nation’s hardass cops announced Wednesday they had finally carved out a couple hours during which games could be p...

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Don't Nobody Wanna Hear Area Man Run His Mouth

MACON, GA—According to a recent Gallup Poll, zero percent of Macon residents wanna hear area fool Ricky Baston run his mouth like a all-night bus, and he ain't sayin' nothing anyway. The poll found that don't nobody wanna hear Baston talkin' 'bout, 'I gonna get me a car,' and, 'My old lady been ridin' my ass' and all that. The poll confirms the findings of a recent ABC News/Washington Post phone survey, in which 100 percent of Macon residents described themselves as wanting Baston out they damn face.

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