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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Don't Nobody Wanna Hear Area Man Run His Mouth

MACON, GA—According to a recent Gallup Poll, zero percent of Macon residents wanna hear area fool Ricky Baston run his mouth like a all-night bus, and he ain't sayin' nothing anyway. The poll found that don't nobody wanna hear Baston talkin' 'bout, 'I gonna get me a car,' and, 'My old lady been ridin' my ass' and all that. The poll confirms the findings of a recent ABC News/Washington Post phone survey, in which 100 percent of Macon residents described themselves as wanting Baston out they damn face.

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