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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Double-Jointed Man On Date Breaks It Out Too Early

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Double-jointed man Stephen Rothkowitz's first date with Lois Hiller, 30, was irrevocably derailed when the 29-year-old process server prematurely demonstrated his ability to bend his thumb all the way back to his wrist, witnesses reported Tuesday. "There seemed to be a lull in their conversation, and then he just started yanking his thumb around," said patron David Cantrall, who was seated adjacent to Rothkowitz's table at the D&R; Steakhouse. "He didn't even preface it with something like, 'Hey, guess what I can do?'" Rothkowitz was reportedly unable to salvage the evening by shooting milk out of his eye.

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