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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Double-Jointed Man On Date Breaks It Out Too Early

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Double-jointed man Stephen Rothkowitz's first date with Lois Hiller, 30, was irrevocably derailed when the 29-year-old process server prematurely demonstrated his ability to bend his thumb all the way back to his wrist, witnesses reported Tuesday. "There seemed to be a lull in their conversation, and then he just started yanking his thumb around," said patron David Cantrall, who was seated adjacent to Rothkowitz's table at the D&R; Steakhouse. "He didn't even preface it with something like, 'Hey, guess what I can do?'" Rothkowitz was reportedly unable to salvage the evening by shooting milk out of his eye.

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