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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Dreamworks SKG Signs J&H Productions To Six-Year Deal

CINCINNATI—Steven Spielberg of Dreamworks SKG confirmed the industry rumor Monday that Cincinnati-based J&H Productions International has been signed to a landmark six-year contract. Spielberg said that J&H president Mr. H "will be executive-producing all types of shows in the stadiums and the coliseums, from city to city, which will be filmed for nationwide release. I hope you will be going to see these movies that Dreamworks SKG will be signing under, as far as J&H Productions and the films that he will make, pertaining to the shows." Dreamworks and J&H will also be working closely with the label industry, as far as getting all the major stars together and putting them to work with the other stars in other agencies under the Cavalcade Of Stars. "Our shows will be the dynamic shows ever being gave," Spielberg said.

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