adBlockCheck

Recent News

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
End Of Section
  • More News

Dressing Up For Going Out

It's always hard to decide what to wear when you're going out for the evening. Here are some ways to look your best for a night on the town:

  • Show a lot of cleavage, especially if you’re a woman.
  • Ten fingers, ten rings.
  • A black shirt can be quite slimming, especially when paired with exercise.
  • A simple, classic T-shirt always says "I'm here to have fun." Unless of course it actually says "Doctor Who."
  • Dress to impress, especially if you’re going to hit up a job interview after the club.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close