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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Driving Truck Also Important Part Of NASCAR Truck Series Champion's Offseason

FRANKLIN, WI—2005 NASCAR Truck Series points champion Ted Musgrave said Monday that driving a Dodge Ram pickup truck also plays an important role in his life off the racetrack. "A lot of guys, they finish the series and they don't want to even look at a truck until next February," Musgrave said. "Not me, though. Just because I make a pretty good living nine months a year driving a truck doesn't mean I lose my passion for driving trucks for stretches of 150 to 250 miles—sometimes much shorter—come the end of the season." Musgrave added that he puts the same amount of effort and intensity into a January trip to his in-laws' house in Milwaukee as he does the Paramount Health Insurance 200 at the Texas Motor Speedway each June.

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