Drought Bad

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Drought Bad

Water Good

KANSAS CITY, MO—Sources nationwide are confirming this week that the current drought is bad and that water is very good. "We don't like the drought," local farmer Dan Rickey told reporters. "We like water." At press time, sources are confirming that the drought is still happening and that it's bad.