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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Drunk Guy Knows All The Lyrics To This Song

ATHENS, OH—Keith Bonifer, 34, a regular and frequently intoxicated patron of Araby's Pub, impressed fellow customers Tuesday by accurately singing along to every word of "Save Your Love," Great White's epic 1987 power ballad. "He knew the whole thing, even after five boilermakers," bartender Bill Riggs said of Bonifer's flawless 5-minute, 46-second performance, during which he reportedly demonstrated admirable restraint by not staggering around the bar to get other patrons to sing with him. "He even knew the part where it goes 'so lock the door and throw away the key,' which I always thought was 'so rock me more and throw away the key.' Makes a lot more sense, actually." Due to the way Bonifer moved his hands during the solo, bar patrons speculated that he might also be adept at playing the song on guitar.

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