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Drunk Women Find Their Run Across Busy Street Hilarious

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EPA Urges Flint Residents To Stop Dumping Tap Water Down Drain

FLINT, MI—Citing the significant health and safety risks that it poses to public infrastructure and the local ecosystem, the Environmental Protection Agency released a statement Thursday urging residents of Flint to discontinue dumping tap water down their drains.

New OSHA Regulations To Cut Down On Workplace Mutations

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to address the troubling number of genetic transformations occurring in workplaces across the nation, the United States Occupational Safety and Health Administration unveiled new regulations this week aimed at reducing on-the-job mutations, sources confirmed.

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Upcoming Changes To U.S. Currency

Secretary of the Treasury Jack Lew recently announced a series of significant changes to U.S. currency. Here are some of the more notable alterations on the horizon

How The GOP Plans To Stop Trump

In response to Donald Trump’s growing presidential primary lead, here’s how Republican Party leaders are ramping up efforts to prevent him from getting enough delegates to win the nomination outright.
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    DENVER—After waking up and finding the message waiting on his computer, local man Drew Swanson confirmed to reporters Thursday that his mother had sent him an email at 5:32 a.m.

Drunk Women Find Their Run Across Busy Street Hilarious

HOUSTON—An intoxicated cross-intersection run was found uproariously funny Saturday night when the drunken staff of the Clips ’N’ Curls hair salon engaged in a disorganized and evidently humorous trek past the intersection of Main Street and Texas Avenue. “Oh my God, we’re gonna get killed,” cackled an overjoyed Bev Foster, 26, between wheezing gasps of laughter. “This is the funniest thing ever. No one’s going to believe this even happened.” After gleefully advising party members who had yet to cross that they risked being left behind, Foster then joined in three uninterrupted minutes of hysterical, teary-eyed laughter resulting from assistant manager Karen Willis’ shoe coming off.

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