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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Dude With Knit Hat At Party Calls Beer ‘Libations’

PROVIDENCE, RI—Sources attending a house party on Governor Street confirmed that the dude with the knit hat has been referring to the supply of beer as “libations” throughout the night. “The night is young, my friends—enough libations for everyone,” said the guy whose sideburns poked out from beneath the wool cap and whose name may have been Jordan or Jay—or possibly Kyle—before raising his red plastic cup to eye level, nodding his head slightly, and urging the assembled partygoers to “imbibe.” “We’ve got some fine spirits in the kitchen, too, if anyone’s interested.” The dude, who also wore tight brown corduroy pants, then reportedly circulated among the partygoers, describing his recent “unreal” trip to Colorado.

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