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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Duke Doing Something Indicates College Basketball Season Either Starting, Ending, Or Ongoing

DURHAM, NC—The sudden appearance of photos of Duke basketball players in national newspapers—as well as video of the school's marching band and Dick Vitale talking about the team on television—has led the nation to believe that something is currently happening with Duke basketball, arousing suspicions that the 2010-11 NCAA men's basketball season has either just begun, is about to begin, or has just ended. "I was flipping through USA Today and saw a picture of Coach K in his Duke collared shirt, not his Team USA collared shirt, so I think something is going on college-basketball-wise," Ohio resident Greg Evans told reporters. "In the picture he was yelling at young men who appeared to be Blue Devils players. Maybe it was a season preview. Or maybe it was a midseason report. Maybe it's March Madness." Evans added that similar things were probably happening at the University of North Carolina.

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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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