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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
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Dunk Contest No Longer A Big Deal Now That 85 Percent Of Populace Can Dunk

LOS ANGELES—The NBA's annual Slam Dunk Contest, which rose to prominence with the high-flying talents of players like Michael Jordan, Dominique Wilkins, and Spud Webb, has failed to garner much interest this year due to the fact that an overwhelming majority of the U.S. population has the ability to dunk, sources confirmed Monday. "Yeah, I'm not gonna watch that, because me and the guys I work with could pretty much have our own dunk contest if we wanted to," said 43-year-old postal employee Frank Palmer, who then did four 360-degree dunks and several Jordanesque kiss-the-rim slams on an NBA regulation-height basketball hoop. "My dad and I still dunk the ball around every now and then." League sources confirmed that within the next 75 years every NBA player and U.S. citizen will be able to play defense.

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