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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Dustin Pedroia Asks Buddy To Watch Second Base For Couple Innings

BOSTON—Suddenly needing to “go take care of something,” Boston Red Sox infielder Dustin Pedroia left second base in the care of his 34-year-old buddy Dave Scholl on Sunday. “It’s pretty easy. If the ball comes to you, just throw it to the guy standing to your left. He’ll know what to do with it,” said the departing Pedroia, hastily writing his cell phone number on a piece of paper in case of an emergency. “Sometimes the runner will—nah, never mind, not gonna happen. You’ll be fine.” Upon returning to his position an hour later, Pedroia was relieved to find the Red Sox were still leading the AL East but found that his cat’s water dish had not been refilled.

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