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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Dutch Anti-Defamation League Closes

NEW YORK—Poul VanDerVoort, president of the Dutch Anti-Defamation League of America, announced Monday that his civil rights organization is closing due to a severe lack of defamation against the Dutch. "I guess we did a good job," VanDerVoort told reporters. "This past year there was not a single ethnically motivated crime committed against a person of Dutch descent." Despite a vigilant, constant effort to locate anti-Dutch sentiment, prosecute offenders and initiate a healing process, the league has found no such crises anywhere in the nation throughout its 18-year history. "A couple of months ago we thought someone had been fired from his job for being Dutch," VanDerVoort said. "But we investigated, and it turned out he was showing up drunk."

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