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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Dwarf Actor Assured Guest Spot On 'How I Met Your Mother' Will Not Be Demeaning

LOS ANGELES—After being cast in an episode of the sitcom How I Met Your Mother, 4-foot, 6-inch-tall actor Craig Holsapple was assured Monday that the role would treat his height matter-of-factly and not in any way that would be degrading. "You'll be playing a doctor, all very professional and respectable, and after Neil Patrick Harris—who is your patient, and he's your patient because he wants the best doctor, mind you—anyway, after Neil says something about the tall blond nurse, you get angry at him because she's your wife," executive producer Carter Bays told Holsapple, who remained absolutely silent throughout the meeting. "Trust me, it has nothing to do with your height. The part pays $1,800." Holsapple was also assured that "normal-size" doctors were thrown through windows all the time and that, in any case, "a tiny little mannequin" would be used for that shot.

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