Dwight Howard Interested In Ruining Rockets

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Vol 49 Issue 21

3-Day Weekend Practically Already Over

WASHINGTON—According to sources, the long Memorial Day weekend in honor of Monday’s federal holiday is practically over already, with the hours left in said weekend dwindling away at an increasingly rapid pace even as you read this news articl...

Obama Vows To Wind Down War On Terror

After more than a decade of war, President Obama stated yesterday that the U.S. should limit drone strikes, close the Guantánamo Bay detention facility, and repeal the Authorization for Use of Military Force that was enacted after Sept.

Timeline Of The War On Terror

0 AD–September 11, 2001: Everything fine September 11, 2001: September 11, 2001 September 12, 2001: A determined George W. Bush responds to the Sept. 11 attacks by swiftly promising two failed wars, a nearly 10-year manhunt for...
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Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Dwight Howard Interested In Ruining Rockets

LOS ANGELES—Ahead of his impending free agency, Lakers center Dwight Howard told reporters Thursday that he is “very interested” in moving to Houston and completely ruining the Rockets. “They have a great young core of players with James Harden and Jeremy Lin, so I’d obviously love the chance to go shatter their chemistry and tear the entire locker room apart,” said Howard, adding that he would “relish the opportunity” to totally undermine Rockets head coach Kevin McHale. “There are a few teams on my radar right now. Dallas has a really solid roster too, and I’m definitely intrigued by the prospect of clashing with Dirk Nowitzki and running that whole franchise into the ground. We’ll just have to wait and see what happens.” Howard did stress to reporters, however, that he has not yet ruled out remaining in Los Angeles to continue destroying the Lakers for the foreseeable future.

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