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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Dwight Howard Tells Reporters He's Very Unhappy In Milky Way Galaxy

ORLANDO, FL—Following another tough loss for the Magic Tuesday, Dwight Howard informed reporters he is very unhappy playing in the Milky Way, the galaxy where he has spent his entire life and career, and is looking to be moved as soon as possible. "This is just not a winning environment," said Howard, who has in the past also criticized his team's court, arena, neighborhood, city, county, state, country, continent, hemisphere, planet, planetary system, interstellar cloud, star belt, and spiral arm. "I'm tired of dealing with the underperforming dwarf stars and the distractions the ionized gas clouds and stellar winds cause around here. I just don't see this place changing much in the next billion years or so. I want to play in a more supportive galactic structure with a winning tradition where I can breathe argon if I want to."Sources said about 10 billion galaxies have expressed interest in Howard, but he is unlikely to go to his first choice, Messier 108, which has remained cautious since being burned 10 years ago with its acquisition of Mookie Blaylock.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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