adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
End Of Section
  • More News

Dwight Howard Tells Reporters He's Very Unhappy In Milky Way Galaxy

ORLANDO, FL—Following another tough loss for the Magic Tuesday, Dwight Howard informed reporters he is very unhappy playing in the Milky Way, the galaxy where he has spent his entire life and career, and is looking to be moved as soon as possible. "This is just not a winning environment," said Howard, who has in the past also criticized his team's court, arena, neighborhood, city, county, state, country, continent, hemisphere, planet, planetary system, interstellar cloud, star belt, and spiral arm. "I'm tired of dealing with the underperforming dwarf stars and the distractions the ionized gas clouds and stellar winds cause around here. I just don't see this place changing much in the next billion years or so. I want to play in a more supportive galactic structure with a winning tradition where I can breathe argon if I want to."Sources said about 10 billion galaxies have expressed interest in Howard, but he is unlikely to go to his first choice, Messier 108, which has remained cautious since being burned 10 years ago with its acquisition of Mookie Blaylock.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close