adBlockCheck

Dzhokar Tsarnaev Posts Bail

Top Headlines

Recent News

Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Dzhokar Tsarnaev Posts Bail

BOSTON—Days after being apprehended for his alleged role in last week’s Boston Marathon attack, suspected bomber Dzhokar Tsarnaev reportedly posted bail earlier today, prompting authorities to release him from custody. “At approximately 8:00 a.m. this morning, the suspect’s attorney posted his $2,000 bond, making Mr. Tsarnaev a free man for the time being,” Boston Police Department Commissioner Edward Davis told reporters at a press conference hours after Tsarnaev’s discharge from Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, adding that the 19-year-old terror suspect is not considered a flight risk due to his high recognizability and injured state. “Per the terms of his bail, the suspect will be unable to leave the state of Massachusetts and must check in with officers once a week until his trial date. Should he violate the terms of his release or fail to show up for trial, he stands to forfeit the entirety of the bond.” Tsarnaev was unable to be reached for comment.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close