CLARKSVILLE, IN—Gregg Reinisch, a Clarksville-area masturbator, stays on top of all the latest trends in swimwear by watching the E! cable network, it was reported Tuesday.
"When I want the inside scoop on which swimsuit styles are heating up the beaches this summer, there's only one network I turn to," Reinisch said of E!, whose award-winning swimwear coverage includes such programs as Fashion File: Sexy Swimsuits, Special Report: Beachwear '98 and An E! History Of The Bikini. "E! is the only channel that offers the kind of in-depth information I crave."
According to the 26-year-old masturbator, without E! he would not know what suits to look out for on the beaches of St. Tropez and Rio de Janeiro, where less is definitely more.
"About five or six years ago, before I started watching E!, I took a trip to the south of France," Reinisch said. "It was awful—there were swimsuits all around me, but I didn't have the slightest idea which ones were the hot new styles to keep an eye on. I was an uninformed beachgoer, and that's the worst kind."
Barry Booker, E! vice-president of programming, said his network strives to be the leader in the field of swimwear coverage.
"Why is our coverage the best? Because we don't just tell the viewer what changes they can expect in swimsuit styles, we show them," Booker said. "For example, if pink is the hot color for bikinis this year, we make sure to actually show what a pink bikini looks like on a tight-bodied 20-year-old down on all fours in the surf. Or if, for example, floral prints are in, we make sure to show what a floral-printed bikini looks like on a tight-bodied 20-year-old down on all fours in the surf. Our viewers appreciate that."
"There is an amazing variety of swimsuits we can lovingly pan over while a model arches her back on a rock," Booker said. "From the French-cut one-piece to the Brazilian-style bikini, to the traditional G-string, there are nearly as many swimsuits as there are masturbators."
While swimsuit fashion captivates Reinisch, it is by no means his only area of interest.
"Lately, I've been reading a lot of books about Miami Dolphins cheerleading-squad calendars and how they're put together—how the photos are taken, what's going through a particular cheerleader's mind as the photos are being taken. It's really a fascinating process," Reinisch said. "So you can imagine how thrilled I was to find out that E! will soon air a half-hour documentary on this very subject. Apparently, when the Dolphins cheerleaders went to Jamaica to shoot their 1999 swimsuit calendar, an E! reporter and camera crew tagged along to get the inside scoop on the whole thing. It sounds incredible. I'm masturbating just thinking about it."