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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Eagles Concerned By Nick Foles Asking About Best Ways To Tear ACL

PHILADELPHIA—According to team sources, members of the Philadelphia Eagles’ staff were “incredibly troubled” Friday after new starting quarterback Nick Foles began asking about the most effective ways to tear an ACL. “I was a little confused when out of the blue Nick asks me about the best way to suffer a serious knee injury, but I became really concerned when he asked if there’s a particular popping sound to listen for when the ACL snaps,” said Eagles head athletic trainer Rick Burkholder, adding that the rookie quarterback asked him several times to physically demonstrate the precise twisting motion required to “totally rip the ligament to shreds.” “The whole time he kept saying he was just curious to learn about the body, but then he asked if there was an easy way to also tear the PCL and MCL at the same time, and specifically whether that would sideline a football player for at least a couple months. It was all very worrying.” At press time, a smiling Foles was reportedly being carted off the team’s practice field.

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