adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Eagles Fans Fully Expect Donovan McNabb To Play With Torn ACL

PHILADELPHIA—Although All-Pro quarterback Donovan McNabb was sidelined last week with a torn anterior cruciate ligament that doctors expect will keep him from playing for eight to 12 months, the majority of Eagles fans fully expect McNabb to suit up for Philadelphia's game this Sunday against the Indianapolis Colts. "This is an important game for the Eagles and for the city of Philadelphia, and a chance for Donovan to finally prove himself and get the Eagles back on the path to the Super Bowl," said 42-year-old Philadelphia resident Harold Guthrey, who dismissed reports that the swelling in torn and ruptured tissues around McNabb's knee was so severe that surgery would have to wait at least four weeks. "The people of this great city have put their trust in Donovan McNabb, and he should know that Philadelphia fans expect their Eagles to play tough." According to Dr. Frank Fitzgerald, an orthopedic surgeon specializing in catastrophic knee injuries and lifelong Eagles fan, McNabb should seek him out for a second opinion.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close