Eagles Having Postmodernist Short-Storybook Season

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Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

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By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

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Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

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Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

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Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.
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Eagles Having Postmodernist Short-Storybook Season

PHILADELPHIA—With a complete lack of ordered structure, a highly compromised cast of characters lacking a true protagonist, and no coherent resolution in sight, the Eagles—who began the season widely heralded as the best team in football—are enduring a postmodernist short-storybook season. "Taken as one body of work, the disjointed and almost halting series of vignettes that is the ordeal of the Eagles' weekly games—the empty victories, the shattering losses, and the sense that nothing good or pure can survive it all—is, in the best and bleakest traditions of postwar literature, compelling almost in spite of its inherent despair," said critic Michiko Kakutani, writing about the Eagles' "gorgeously incoherent chronicle of desperation and futility" in a review for The New York Times. "That they still have an outside chance of winning the NFC East adds just the right touch of meaningless, ultimately destructive hope to the whole narrative. Recommended." Kakutani also took time to deride the as-yet undefeated Green Bay Packers' season as "a barely credible litany of unattainable flawlessness showcasing the worst aspects of the American male-power fantasy."


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