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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Early Stage Threesome Forming In Corner Of Party 

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—According to reports from Adam Hartford's house party on Preston Avenue, a male and two females have separated from the core group of attendees and are currently in the nascent stage of forming a threesome in the far corner of the living room. Factoring in the subjects' increased levels of giggling and flirtation, suggestive body language, and projected alcohol consumption, sources have determined the ménage à trois will reach full maturation three hours from now, likely in Hartford's partially finished basement. Experts also stated that the females' recent progression from talking about kissing each other to actually doing so, even if only jokingly, marks a crucial threshold in the early-phase three-way, indicating the eventual occurrence of group sex is now a statistical certainty. While those observing the threesome's gradual materialization admitted it was fascinating to watch such a natural phenomenon coalesce, they acknowledged the rare marvel was "completely gross" because it involved Jeff.

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