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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Easy Wife Gives It Up On First Date Night

OMAHA, NE—Local man James Carlson totally got some Friday night when his wife, Shelly, "went all the way" after just one date night, the lucky husband reported. "I figured it'd be at least three date nights before she gave it up, but all it took was a modest dinner and a few glasses of wine, and she went straight home with me, no questions asked," Carlson said of his wife of eight years, with whom he has three children, James Jr., 7, Wendy, 5, and Sandy, 3. "After we paid the babysitter and brushed our teeth, she couldn't keep her hands off me." Carlson hopes to continue date-nighting his wife for the foreseeable future, seeing as she is such an easy lay.

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